Living in a Body Wired for Survival: Why It’s So Hard to Feel Safe and How We Can Change That

A body that has been exposed to prolonged stress or trauma often becomes stuck in survival mode. Whether we experienced neglect, chaos, or emotional instability as children, or we lived through other stressful experiences, our nervous systems adapted to keep us alive.

The trauma response—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—gets triggered not just by danger, but by anything the body perceives as a threat. Over time, the body overcouples (links) certain sensations with danger. So even when we feel something positive—like joy, calm, or rest—our bodies may react as if that feeling is a threat.

➡️ Fight – We become irritable, reactive, and quick to anger.

➡️ Flight – We stay busy, distracted, and always moving to avoid stillness.

➡️ Freeze – We feel numb, disconnected, and overwhelmed.

➡️ Fawn – We people-please, over-give, and abandon our own needs to feel safe.

For many of us, this became our baseline. A constant state of constriction where we brace for impact—even when nothing is coming.

When your body lives in this state of chronic constriction, it takes a toll. The effects show up in unexpected ways that often don’t get linked back to chronic stress:

Anxiety and Racing Thoughts – Your mind is constantly scanning for danger, unable to fully relax.

Insomnia and Poor Sleep – Even in rest, the body stays on high alert, making deep sleep elusive.

Fatigue and Burnout – The constant activation of adrenaline and cortisol leaves the body depleted.

Digestive Issues – Chronic stress slows digestion and can lead to IBS, constipation, or bloating.

High Blood Pressure and Inflammation – The body’s stress response elevates blood pressure and creates a pro-inflammatory state.

Difficulty Feeling Pleasure or Relaxing – Expansion feels unsafe, making it hard to enjoy peace or joy.

Tension in the Neck, Shoulders, and Jaw – Chronic bracing shows up as tightness in the body.

Cravings and Emotional Eating – Sugar and carbs temporarily calm the nervous system, but the cycle perpetuates the stress response.

Does any of this feel familiar? If so, know that you’re not alone—and that there’s hope.

One of the most confusing things about living with a nervous system wired for survival is that even positive sensations can feel like a threat.

Pleasure, joy, relaxation, and even love—all of these experiences ask the body to open, expand, and soften. But for a body that has spent years braced against potential danger, that openness feels unsafe.

➡️ Softness feels like vulnerability.

➡️ Relaxation feels like defenselessness.

➡️ Joy feels like a trap.

This is why so many of us, even when life is going well, find something to stress about. Our minds scan for danger because expansion feels foreign and unfamiliar.

This realization hit me hard when I noticed the same patterns in my own family.

Whenever I talk to my parents, they can’t fully relax until I give them some bad news or something stressful to focus on. If I tell them everything is okay, they seem uneasy—almost like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. But the moment I mention something stressful or negative, they settle in, because that feels more familiar.

I realized that I had been doing the same thing in my own life. In moments of stillness or joy, my mind would automatically search for something to worry about—something to bring me back into constriction, because that’s what felt safe.

But now I know that safety isn’t in the constriction. Safety is in building capacity to feel safe in openness.

The good news is that we don’t have to stay stuck in this pattern.

We can train our bodies to feel safe in openness, joy, and peace. But it takes practice—and a lot of patience.

Here’s how to start:

1. Start Small with Micro-Moments of Safety

When you feel something good—a warm cup of tea, the sun on your face, or a quiet moment—pause and notice it.Spend just a few seconds allowing that sensation to land in your body. You’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to feel good.

2. Feel into Safety Before You Expand

When you notice your body bracing during a moment of joy or calm, acknowledge it. Put a hand on your chest or belly and say, “I see that this feels scary. I’m here with you.” Allow the body to feel that you’re noticing its reaction instead of forcing it to open.

3. Practice Self-Touch or Grounding Techniques

Use a pillow or your hands to gently stroke your chest, arms, or belly. This simple act helps the body feel safe, grounding it in the present moment.

4. Celebrate Small Wins

Each time you notice yourself expanding into safety or enjoying a moment without bracing, celebrate that win. These small victories build capacity over time.

Nothing is wrong with you. Your body isn’t broken. It’s just stuck responding to a past that no longer exists.

You’re not “bad” at resting. You’re not “sabotaging” yourself when you avoid joy. You’re living in a body that learned early on that constriction equals safety—and it’s doing exactly what it was trained to do.

But now, you have the power to rewrite that story. You can teach your body that safety doesn’t come from bracing—it comes from allowing yourself to feel the fullness of life.

You deserve to feel safe in joy. And with practice, your body will start to believe that too.

Take 5 minutes today to notice something pleasant—whether it’s the warmth of your tea, a cool breeze, or a quiet moment. Let that feeling land, and remind your body: “This is safe. I’m safe.”

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to start building a new relationship with your body—one rooted in safety, presence, and compassion—I highly recommend exploring somatic healing through Holistic Life Navigation. Luis Mojica’s Self-Led Course is a beautiful place to begin. It’s designed to help you understand your survival patterns and gently reconnect with a sense of safety within yourself. You can learn more here: holisticlifenavigation.com/course